Ein li koach

I don't understand how someone who barely knows me can decide that my values are fundamentally different from theirs. But then I have begun to think that for once in my life I should take control of the situation and not allow others to always make the decisions. What is it about me that I like to just hurt myself over and over again? I used to joke that I'm an emotional masocist, but that seems less and less funny. I've pushed past boyfriends into decisions and saying things to me that I already knew very well and didn't actually need to hear. I have this sick need for closure which ends up just hurting me because really it's just another opportunity for someone to shit on me. I can't just let go. Lord help me with this. I wonder if I'll ever be happy and I realize it has nothing to do with those I call my friends and more with how I obsess over the most idiotic things. Letting go is hard. Well, that's my rant for the day.